The Second Book of Watase, called
And Miyazaki spake all these words, saying, I am the lord Miyazaki thy god, which have brought thee out of the land of mundane Hollywood films, out of the house of bondage (although that hath been kept in certain rooms booked in perpetuity by Anime18 and NuTech Digital).
There is but one true Anime; thou shalt have no other animation before thee.
Thou shalt support thy Domestic Companies that release translated Anime, but thou shalt also chastise them long, loud and ugly when they Screw Up.
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the lord Miyazaki thy god am a jealous god, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that screw up an anime title;
And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love anime, and keep my commandments.
Thou shalt not take thy name of Anime in vain by referring to it as 'Japanimation.; for the lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh away the name pleasing to the ears of his followers.
Thou shalt remember thy Anime showing and step outside if thou wishes to yack with thy friends non-stop. For many days shalt many Otaku labour, and do all thy work: But the Anime Showing day is the day of relaxation: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates, unless they are helping to run and organize the convention or anime showing.
Honour thy Original Creators and not use their work in blasphemy: that their days may be long upon the land which the lord Miyazaki giveth thee.
Thou shalt not Dub or Edit, for they art thy bane of thine experience that is Anime.
Thou shalt not cavort freely and wantonly with Naughty Tentacles; they should at least take thou to Dinner and a Movie first.
Thou shalt not attempt to make profits from Fansubs.
Thou shalt remain true to thy viewing practices: even if thy practices art toward Hentai and/or Yaoi.
Thou shalt sing thy praises of Anime throughout the world in all places people dwell. Thou shalt sing its praises unto thy neighbour's wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his ass, and anything that is thy neighbour's, including their cat, for it may be a princess exiled from a distant planet and possibly like Anime.
And all the people saw the rather impressive special effects, and the lighting, and the noise of the trumpet, and the tower of Tokyo smoking: and when they saw it, they moved, for Otaku cannot resist a tourist trap or the promise of signatures.
And they said unto Conan, the Boy in Future, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not Miyazaki speak, for we understand not Japanese.
And Conan said unto the Otaku, Fear not: For Miyazaki is come to prove thou, and that he is indeed a man of many tongues.
And the Otaku stood afar off, and Conan drew near unto the thick darkness when Miyazaki was.
And the Lord Miyazaki said unto Conan, Thus thou shalt say unto the Children of anime, Ye have seen that I have talked with you and that I am sensitive, creative, have a great sense of humour and I am a really smooth dancer.
Ye shall also not make me with American cartoons of fecal matter, nether shall ye make tributes to Disney or any other production studio that hath not given me proper promotion for my past works.
And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of anime plushies or UFOs: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou will have devalued an item that could be sold on eBay for 10 times what thou hath paid.
Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon, for thou wilt either be ridiculed or clumsily propositioned, dependent on the Sex of those who might witness thee, or on the lack thereof.
Now these art the judgments which thou shalt set before them. If they should fail to follow them, scorn shalt surely follow them, to be followed by expulsion, isolation and Wars of Flame upon thy Internet.
Proceedeth to THE BOOK OF YAOI.
Retreateth to CHAPTER NINETEEN.
Return thee to the First Church of Hayao Miyazaki.