The First Book of Watase, called
In the beginning Miyazaki created parchment, and the parchment was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the
parchment. And the spirit of Miyazaki moved upon the face of the parchment.
And Miyazaki said, Let there be light: and his eager assistants turned on a table lamp so that Miyazaki could see his work.
And Miyazaki saw the table lamp, and that it was good: and Miyazaki divided the parchment from the moving pictures. And Miyazaki called the parchment "Manga", and the moving pictures "Anime". And the Manga and the Anime were the first day.
And Miyazaki said, let there be Studio Ghibli. And Miyazaki made Studio Ghibli and divided the peoples which were under Studio Ghibli from the peoples within Studio Ghibli: and it was so.
And Miyazaki called the people Otaku. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And Miyazaki said, let the Otaku under Studio Ghibli be gathered together unto one place, and let anime with a non-ecchi theme be separated from anime where tentacles appear: and it was so.
And Miyazaki called that with a non-ecchi audience many things; and that with tentacles he called Hentai: and Miyazaki saw that it was weird…but he figured somebody would think it was good, and the marketers smiled, for they knew full well that sex sells.
And Miyazaki said, let the non-ecchi anime bring forth many genres, the fiction of science, the comedic, the romantic, the historical, fantasy, those with characters with bright and colourful transformations, and the sugar-laden epilepsy-inducing toy-marketing gambits and those after its kind: and it was so.
And anime brought forth Gundam, and Ranma, and Hana Yori Dango, and Grave of the Fireflies, Record of Lodoss Wars, and Sailor Moon, and Pokemon whose seed was in itself, after its kind: and Miyazaki saw that it was good, for now at least...
And the evening and the Morning were the third day.
And Miyazaki said, let the lights of projectors divide those that go to anime showing and those that watch from their own homes; and let them purchase much merchandise. And sales of plushies, and tapes, and DVDs and CDs, and anime posters rose.
And Miyazaki made two great projectors; the greater one to show towards people in mass to rule the showing, and the lesser to rule outside the viewing area: he made fan fiction also.
And Miyazaki set to rule over the anime showing and over the private viewings: and Miyazaki saw that this was VERY good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
And Miyazaki said, let Hentai bring forth loose clothing, and tentacles, and ample cleavage with very short skirt stylings: and Miyazaki saw that this was...Hentai...
But Miyazaki blessed them anyways, saying, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the world of Hentai, and the production companies rejoiced.
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
And Miyazaki said, let anime bring forth cute and fuzzy creatures after his kind, sidekicks, and very hyper children, and ditzy space
alien girlfriends: and it was so.
And Miyazaki made the mallet, and Hammerspace, and villains who enjoy torturing these creatures to deal with the infestation: and Miyazaki saw that this was good and very, VERY necessary…
And Miyazaki said, Let there be Mecha, for without it there can be no Fiction of Science: and it was so.
And Miyazaki said, Let us create anime characters in our image, after our likeness: and let them have domination over the demons that will attack the city of Shinjuku, and over the forces that will try to take over the world through epic sword battles, and over the highly outnumbered space battles, all over anime, and over all powerful space aliens that creepeth upon anime.
So Miyazaki created anime in his own image, in the image of Miyazaki he created male, female, and Jusenkyo Springs.
And Miyazaki blessed them, and said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish anime, and subdue it: and have dominion over the demons that will attack the city of Shinjuku, and over the forces that will try to take over the world through epic sword battles, and over the highly outnumbered space battles and over anything that threatens the person you love.
And Miyazaki said, behold, I have given you multiple genres, alternate universes to get lost within, other planets with evil space pirates to fight, everything in all areas: and it was so.
And Miyazaki saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was VERY good. And the evening and the morning were the Sixth day.
Proceedeth to CHAPTER TWO.
Return thee to the First Church of Hayao Miyazaki.